Self-Acceptance: Loving All Parts of Our Self
Being Empathic with Yourself
I've been watching several interviews with Sounds True's The Self Acceptance Project.
One of the guests, Karla McLaren, mentions how people who are highly empathic often have difficulty prioritizing themselves and may even have challenges in knowing what they want.
It's an issue she sees in many women, and some men. Perhaps like many women, you have no problem putting others first can find yourself lost in the needs of everyone else. You may have learned from early conditioning that our own needs were not important or came at the expense of being punished or criticized.
Challenges with self-acceptance often has its origins in our upbringing but it can also be reinforced through our culture. When I was growing up, I could be harshly punished for doing something in a “wrong” way or be reprimanded for something very small. Sometimes it included being shamed in my family in front of my siblings.
I found that being more compassionate myself wasn’t so simple as saying positive affirmations. Sometimes, in working with different therapists and healers it felt like slogging through mud and going to new, uncharted places.
But the more I stay committed to working through my inner challenges, I found that I was forging a path I could return to again and again.
In other words, I wasn’t on this journey alone and I started to know my way back to feeling more grounded, less judgmental of myself and more able to access feeling ok with all of my messiness inside.
I still remember being on a massage table many years ago, with a hypnotherapist by my side, crying with the realization that I really didn’t like myself. There was something very healing about admitting this to someone, who I could tell understood my pain, and with such kindness, knew what this felt like.
Body Messages
If you experienced trauma, there may even be physiological, automatic responses that make it even more difficult to speak your truth or assert yourself.
Sometimes it can feel really difficult to go within because there may be difficult memories that surface.
Having recently worked with a shamanic psychologist, I began to better understand how physical responses in the body can be triggered as well as how our bodies are messengers of needed emotional release.
My body remembered a time of feeling very alone in my childhood, which happened often, and the lonely feeling of not having an adult who seemed to care about me. I began to feel these physical feelings again, but this time, I had inner resources to soothe and witness my inner child. In a short time I felt more grounded in my body and eventually returned to a calmer state.
The body may tremble or shake in response to emotions releasing from emotions that have been suppressed due to a traumatic event. Listening to the inner messages of your body can let you know that some part of yourself needs a voice and to be listened to with love and compassion.
I highly recommend that you not do this work alone, and that you get the help of a trained therapist, coach or healer to help you process your feelings and begin to integrate healing.
Your inner child, the part of you that felt afraid and unsafe during a painful event, may have gone unnoticed for years as a self-protective way to avoid being hurt again.
In my own healing, I have seen that self-acceptance is a journey that includes listening to my emotions and my body.
Sometimes your conscious mind may not even remember the cause of your emotional pain, but your bodies does. Taking the time to hear the inner messages of your body and your emotions is healing.
While this is a bigger topic than the space of this blog, here are some tips I've learned to become more attuned to my body and emotions.
Listen to Your Feelings
Let your feelings arise and allow yourself to feel them.
Breathe through the challenge of expressing painful emotions. The body may also shake or tremble as the energy of suppressed emotions are being released.
3. Be loving and gentle with yourself. If you find it helpful, pray and ask for divine assistance. Feel the emotion of love in your heart and let love permeate your entire body. Openly receive love and give it to yourself.
4. Notice your thoughts. Remind yourself that you are healing and that you are now safe. Let your inner child know that you are here for her/him and that you will listen to, acknowledge, and love the part of you that is hurting or in need of attention. Give love to the part of you that was abused, neglected, or otherwise hurt.
5. Feel a connection to the love of Divine Source. You may feel this through prayer, meditation, your heart, a mantra, a visualization, nature, or any way that helps you feel that a benevolent, loving force is guiding and supporting you in your life. Allow yourself to receive the same love you give to others.
6. Ground yourself. Activities such as exercise, nature, music, or talking to a trusted person can help. Taking some slow, deep breaths helps to calm your nervous system and get you more in touch with your body and what you are feeling.
7. Notice the difference after listening deeply to yourself and how you feel now. Even if you feel tired or drained after an emotional release, your emotions often calm from being given awareness and attention.
8. Bring compassion to yourself through gentle practices. Loving touch, a kind statement, a gentle reminder that you are not alone in what you may be experiencing, or taking a break when you feel overwhelmed are some ways to show yourself compassion. We all have parts of ourselves that we have learned to reject. By practicing self-compassion, we strengthen our inner self and calm the parts of ourselves that can get triggered by criticism and judgement.
It can take a while to learn a new habit.
Self-acceptance takes courage, compassion, and consistency
Learning to embrace yourself with love and understanding takes practice. You are building your inner strength and self-love. Much like exercise, consistent attention to your inner self with love and compassion builds your spiritual strength and feelings of hope and inner peace.
You may consider the help of a counselor, therapist, or other helping professional to help you on your healing journey. As many of the Sounds True guests mentioned, we are conditioned for connection. It takes courage to ask another to help us and to be open to reveal our hearts.
I've found that by allowing myself to be vulnerable and open with the therapists and healers I've worked with over the years, I have learned far greater self-acceptance and self-compassion than if I had attempted to cope with challenges myself.